I've gotten feedback lately that I should have gone to the hospital with Ed, when he went rather than letting Robert talk me into staying home. So, the consensus is in. I suck. I know it. Ed knows it.
In some things I'm just a wimp, and I admit it. My mother died of a brain tumor, when I was 14. That was a very hard time in my life. My poor dad was commuting between San Francisco (Treasure Island Navy Base where he was stationed) and Sacramento, where the rest of the family was living. My parents had opted to do this for the school year, because we'd just come back from two years in the Philippines, and it was my brother's senior year. We'd lived in Sacramento before moving to the P.I. and still owned a home there. That way my brother could at least go to school with kids he'd known earlier.
Unbeknownst to us my mother had been struggling with the brain tumor since we'd lived in the P.I. She had bouts with the slowly growing tumor that were terribly painful--dreadful headaches. That was such a hard time, to be there with her when she was hurting so much and being helpless to do anything for her.
Ed was in a lot of pain (even the nurses were feeling bad for him once he was admitted). I cannot imagine having had to sit there with him, once again being completely helpless. Robert is much tougher in some things, and this is one of them. So I admit it--I suck. I chickened out and let Robert go in my place.
I'm just very thankful that Ed wasn't taken "Home" at this time. It would have been bad enough to lose him without feeling guilty again for not having been there with him.
6 comments:
We each have our strengths and weaknesses and need to learn to support each other in whatever ways we are capable of. You did what you felt you were capable of dealing with at that moment. In reality, was there anything at all that you could have actually done that would have changed any of the events? NO! You probably would have just gotten in the way and made those nurses crazy, so stop feeling guilty.
You don't suck!! You did what was best for Ed, that being it was probably better for you not to be there if you couldn't keep it together for him. I think you are wonderful.
Thanks, guys. I felt bad enough about it but then to get feedback on it just rubbed salt in the wound.
Donna,
Who cares what anyone else thinks? You know what is right for and in YOUR family. You love and serve them everyday! Stuff like this makes me so mad--people need to mind there own @#$% business and worry about the multiple issues they need to improve in themselves i.e. judging others!!
heidi bauer
Oh my goodness! You don't suck!!!! You did what you thought was best!
Some of the best wisdom I ever received was from a nurse, when we lost our first daughter. She said that as we made decisions over those days, we were making them the best way we knew how. She said that years later, we might look back and be tempted to second guess our decisions, but that we had to remember that, "you made the best decisions for you that you could at that time." That's what we all have to do, and we can't second guess that. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, you do the best you can at the time. *hugs*
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